If one day.....

      I just met with my parents and I'm so happy to see that they look fine and healthy. I suddenly realize that this is the longest month I've been away from my parents, hahaha... I used to go back my hometown every two times a week because I love my homwtown besides its very relaxing and peaceful there but nowadays I've been busy with activities here in church with dancing ministries and practice for consert FOP4 this upcoming May,2010.

     I feel some kind of commitment for the activities I've involved in the church here so I felt a kind of guilty if I left everything and went back to Ranau. But at the same time, I also wanted to see my parents, all my best cousin,and my friends. We have a tight bond to each other and we feel so much of their pain if one of them in a difficult situations. It's a long history and like an old couple, we all fell in a one synch - together forever. hehehh....

     I just can't simply let go of my responsibility and pursue my own satisfaction, it's not right ....

Right now, I have a purpose, God give me this purpose, to learn and assimilate EVERTHING that I need to learn. For example, dancing basic,vocal training and prayer meeting...

Depression Attack !

I don't know with you guys but when I felt so depressed I tend to be quiet, deep in thoughts and I do a lot of houseworks ... alone. I mean, I can ignore a bit the trouble if I'm in action rather than I'm sitting and free for thinking. Well, they say that it is all in the mind only and I know its true but sometimes I cannot just ignore it. I can never be free of it unless I change my mood and try to think positive.

Not all people have the same problem and not all problem have the same technique to solve it... for me, I will pray for it. The nagging feeling that won't go away ~ I used to pray about it. After praying, sometimes the feeling seems to attach and don't want to go but I found my release in the promise of God that the problem will not be greater than a human strength. Since I'm not immortal so this one applies to me, heheh.

And then, I will make ( and sometimes force myself ) to think happy thoughts, singing about joy and meditating in the promise of God to remember again and again about how that is not all important and how God teach us to love no matter what the situations. Sometimes the trouble will be the same like everyday I faced only in different situations and different people but I will always have to find release for it even though I have done before.

What will you do if you are in depression?

Another two years before going 30...

Waahh,shouldn't I be so worried about it? Last year, my old bestfriend got married and I think most all of my closest friend got hooked up within the years... me? maybe its luck or maybe its fate, you can called it anyway you want but I can tell you names I've been going out with but never gets to ring any wedding bell. Maybe its my calling being single, hahah. Right now I'm in a relationship but I never sure if I'm going to marry this guy or not, well one can never really now except believing that this one will work out. (and pray too ~ lots of pray, heheh)

When I was 25 I thought that I WILL one day got married and that I HAVE to have a boyfriend but as time went by, I realized that the man of my dream only exist in my dream and not in the real world. I was so disappointed and felt a bit of vengeance in my heart. Being young and merry is really wonderful and all but naivety can also trapped the unwary young one, such as me but that is when I was still young. Now, by reaching fast into the 30's world ( I feel like I'm in LRT or bullet train going really fast ) only 2 years left, I know there are other things that is more important, more relevant and more realistic and worthy of my attention. Youthful don't last but wisdom is for eternity, I'm praying that my year as 30's will not be wasted and I make the best of it.